Attempt Jokes

What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "Can I have a glass of H2O?" The second chemist says, "Can I have a glass of water, too?" The first chemist breaks down in tears — his assassination attempt has failed.
(He didn't say H2O2)
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
"As has often been noted, physics is to math what lovemaking is to masturbation."

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
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