Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "Can I have a glass of H2O?" The second chemist says, "Can I have a glass of water, too?" The first chemist breaks down in tears — his assassination attempt has failed.
(He didn't say H2O2)
"As has often been noted, physics is to math what lovemaking is to masturbation."

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.