According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
My bank is really proud of me.
According to them, I have an outstanding balance!
According to physics, light travels faster than sound. If that is really the case, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your body heat with me.
According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.