Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
You’re my pot of gold.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
Corona crisis reaches new level:
Iran out of toilet paper.
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend but it sure helps!”
— Unknown
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Are you a chocolate cake? I’m craving something sweet.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
There was a young man from Lahore
Whose limericks stopped at line four.
When asked why this was,
He responded, "Because."
The first time I saw your hiking boots, I knew we were sole-mates.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Even Pepcid AC can’t stop my heart from burning for you.
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
- Jack Prelutsky
What happens if a big ghoul steps on Batman and Robin?
They become flatman and ribbon!
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
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