Hey babe, wanna make a zygote?
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
If you think I’m hot now, wait until you see what I turn into at midnight.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
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