Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving?
He won't inhale.
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
Excuse me, I think you dropped something: My jaw.
I couldn’t help but approach, you’ve been on my mind Twenty four Evan
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Hey, was your daddy a barista because you are ALMOST what I ordered.
Nice pumpkins!
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
What kind of soup can you make with cool beans?
Chilly!
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Greece!
Greece who?
Are Greece and oil the same thing?
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I would tell you more chemistry pick-up lines, but all the good ones Argon!
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks...
...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a cop asking me questions.
What do you call a sneezing big foot in Spanish?
Achoopacabra.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to phone heaven and tell God I found the missing angel!
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
I’ve learned that milk promotes beauty. But how much have you been drinking so far?
Are you French? I want to take a french kiss from you.
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Alone in his pen.
Sits solemn and scared,
For they 'did in' his hen.
They took her off Sunday,
Then snuffed out her life.
And now he's alone,
Cause they've eaten his wife.
Thanksgiving now over,
He preens with relief.
He can muster a gobble,
Along with his grief.
He pecks round his pen,
For some 'scratch' sprinkled there.
Grows quite happy again,
Not remotely aware . .
That Christmas is coming
For family and friend,
And for Christmas, at dinner;
They'll eat turkey again.
- Diane Lefebvre
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.
Leaking oil every day
Having it your own way.
Going up hills real slow
I don’t want you any mo’.
Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.
(Cecilia L. Goodbody)
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
Go to BabaMail
