Which element is a member of famous rock band?
Hg
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
For you, I would slay two Goliaths.
Even Pepcid AC can’t stop my heart from burning for you.
Roses are red, violets are blue....
....
....
Sorry I just got lost in those eyes of you.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Haida there, gorgeous.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up. You must've been made by Intel to be that hot!
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran my boat into yours. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Blue jeans are immortal. They never die, they just fade away!
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
What would’ve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They would’ve been lunatics.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
If you had eleven roses and you looked in the morror; then you'd see twelve of the most beatiful things in the world.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Beer-lieve it or not!
Hey, I just got my flight number. I'm just missing your phone number.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
Do you like short love affairs? I hate them - I've got all weekend.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
A centipede was happy quite,
Until a frog in fun
Said, “Pray, which leg comes after which?”
This raised her mind to such a pitch,
She lay distracted in the ditch
Considering how to run.
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just going to poison your drink.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
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