A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.

You make my heart slip 'n slide.

What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”

What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.

The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.

Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful woman
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Darn thing's an hour fast."

Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.

"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain

I see my future like how the Americans spell colour. Without u.

Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.

Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.

How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.

Dad jokes are like Corona.
Everybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.

“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
— Punit Ghadge

The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.

55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?

‘We are routing for you!’

Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.

What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.

Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.

“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown

Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.

What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents

Call me on the shellphone.

What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).

I'd definitely let you join in my reindeer games.

What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.

Summer's over; it's time to chill.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard

What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.

Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.

Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.

If you date me, you'll eventually see a diamond.

I'd make like Jacob and work seven years for you to be my bride.

What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.

My dad has the heart of a lion...
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.

What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.

A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.

“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown

How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.

Hey, I just got my flight number. I’m just missing your phone number.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Mirra.

Mirra who?

Mirra mirra on the wall, you're the fairest of them all.

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson

You’re turtle-ly awesome.

What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.

Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.