A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.
He says, "John, I have some good news and some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."
John replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now that I know that I can handle the bad news, you mind telling me what it is?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
Three Russian men are talking in the Gulag.
One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"
The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."
The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."
Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"
"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."
Four students are on a road trip, and when they come back they find out there is a test the very next day.
They completely forgot about their test, and they hadn't studied at all so they decided to miss the final and ask for a chance to take it on another date.
They told the professor that they got stuck on the way back to school with a flat tire and therefore could not make it back on time to take the test.
The professor agrees to let them take the test the next day and they go home excited to be given the night to study before taking it.
The next day the professor seats each of them in a separate room and places a sheet of paper in front of them which read:
This test is scored out of 100 points.
Q1. Please write your name. (1 point)
Q2. Which tire had the flat? (99 points)
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