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Somebody Jokes

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Funny Animal Quotes
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”

- Betty White.
Beer Puns
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
Wine Puns
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Mermaid Puns
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Corn Puns
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Shower Puns
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Garden Quotes
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
Mushroom Puns
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Quotes
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
Sydney J. Harris
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
Funny Work Quotes
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
Hair Puns
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Classic Pick Up Lines
I know somebody that thinks they might like you a lot. And if I wasn’t so shy, I would tell you who it is.