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Past Jokes

Marriage Puns
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
Yeti/ Bigfoot Puns
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
Medieval Puns
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Deodorant Puns
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Funny Birthday Poems
Fifty is ten past forty
Age is but a number and counting time tends to bore me.
Sink Puns
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
History Puns
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Frankenstein Puns
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
Strawberry Puns
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Apology Pick Up Lines
I'm sorry I wasn't around in the past. Can I be part of your future?
Hockey Pick Up Lines
Can I slip one past your goalie?
Zombie Puns
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Funny Aging Quotes
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
Garden Puns
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...