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Growing Jokes

Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
You must be a sustainably farmed mushroom because you’re really growing on me.
Garden Quotes
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
Pot Puns
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Garden Puns
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
Mermaid Puns
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Cherry Puns
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Witch Puns
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
Funny Parenting Quotes
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”

- Phyllis Diller.
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
Funny Aging Quotes
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
Monster Puns
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
Strawberry Puns
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".