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Exactly Jokes

Funny Marriage Quotes
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
Christian Pick Up Lines
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
Rock Puns
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Garden Puns
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Dog Puns
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Classic Pick Up Lines
Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Planet Puns
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
Dinosaur Puns
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
Marriage Puns
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
Kitchen Puns
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Viking Puns
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
One Liners for Kids
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Puns
In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad.
I guess it will be 5050.