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Close Jokes

Yard Puns
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
Mermaid Puns
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Monster Puns
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Spouse Puns
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
Funny Money Quotes
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
Mushroom Puns
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
The Beatles Pick Up Lines
Close your eyes and I will kiss you. Tomorrow I will miss you.
Canadian Pick Up Lines
Oh I didn't mean to pull you in so close. I thought I heard a rutting bull moose.
I wish I was Tim Horton's coffee…So I could get close to your lips.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”

- Rob Delaney.
Food Quotes
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
Pea Puns
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Meat Puns
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Elvis Pick Up Lines
A little less fight and a little more spark, close your mouth and open your heart.