pink Jokes

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Williams, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Jerry, what's your problem?" Jerry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 5th grade!" Ms. Williams had had enough. She took Jerry to the principal's office. While Jerry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal that this was an exceptionally bright kid. The principal told Ms. Williams he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Jerry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Jerry: "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Jerry: "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Williams and tells her, "I think Jerry can go to the 3rd grade" Ms. Williams says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Jerry both agreed. Ms. Williams asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Jerry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Williams: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Jerry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Williams: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Jerry: "Pants." Ms. Williams: "What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Jerry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Williams: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Jerry replied, "Bubble gum." Ms. Williams: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Jerry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Williams: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Jerry: "Firetruck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Jerry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

A police officer was on patrol at night and saw two men fighting in the middle of the street in front of a house. He flashed his police lights, hopped out the car and pulled the two men apart. He cuffed them both and sat them apart from each other on the sidewalk. “Enough! Explain what is going on here.” The policeman said to the first man. “Well,” the first man sighed, “It all started a few nights ago when I thought my girlfriend was cheating on me. I came round to her place to surprise her and found her watching a movie with two suspiciously empty pizza boxes next to her. She said she was just hungry, but who the hell orders two large pizzas to themselves?” “A valid point,” the policeman nodded. “Anyway,” the first man continued, “I decided to stake out her house. So I’m waiting here out in the street, watching to see if anyone goes into that pink house on the other side of the road. I have my mate at the pizza shop deliver me a pizza while I wait. Everything’s quiet and I’m just about to start eating my pizza. Until I see that dickhead over there come creeping around the side of the house.” “That man over there?” The policeman asked. “Yes! So naturally I confronted him and he denied seeing my girl. Next thing you know we’re in the middle of a brawl and then you arrive.” The policeman thought for a moment, then undid the cuffs. “Here’s the deal, give me your pizza and I’ll let you drive away with a warning.” The first man nodded grumpily, hopped in his car and drove off. The policeman placed the pizza in his car and then walked over to the second man. “That guy says you sleeping with his girlfriend,” the policeman stated. “I did no such thing!” The second man roared. “So what were you doing?” The policeman asked. “Well...” The second man mumbled, "darn, you'll catch me anyways when you search me. Alright I was trying to rob the place!" “That’s hardly any better,” the policeman replied. “The windows were locked up tight, so I decided to give up. Next thing I know some guy is screaming at me, saying I’m having a thing with his girl. We ended up in a fight. Then you turn up.” “Empty your pockets,” the policeman said. The second man pulled out lockpicking tools, a skeleton key and a pair of diamond earrings from the last house he had robbed. “I’ll take those,” the policeman said, “But because I’m in a good mood, I’ll let you go.” The second man couldn’t believe his luck. He skipped away down the street. Suddenly, the lights at the front of the house turned on. A woman came marching out, “What the hell is going on out here?!” She asked the police officer. The policeman turned around, “Nothing babe, just got you a pizza and some new jewelry.”

A guy heard about this amazing new weight loss company, all his friends tell him there's nothing like it for losing a quick 5 pound. He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old woman dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program." Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there, wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads: "If I catch you, you are mine."

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?" The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" "In Nevada. He has two cathouses - one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno."

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested: "Now maybe pucker your lips and wiggle your bottom, see what that does." She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead The husband then suggested she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. The husband smiled sweetly at his wife as he opened the cage door. "Now Tell him you have a headache."

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I leapt from my desk to see what was the matter! I opened the door with a creak and a crick, And saw a jolly red fat man I knew must be St. Nick. I had seen his picture a time or two, He was wanted: Article 27 - Section 342. I threw open the door and commanded him "Freeze!" "Put your hands on you head and get down on your knees." But he turned and he ran, up the chimney he flew, with me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew. When we got to the roof Santa made for his sleigh, Throwing down toys and blocking my way. As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack, I slipped and I fell landing flat on my back. To my front I was faced with a toy M-1 tank, And Pink Power Rangers covering my flank. "On Dasher, on Dancer!", he cried loud and clear. Then I got off three rounds and just missed the lead deer. And I heard Santa say as he sailed into the blue, "Merry Christmas to all! My Lawyers will sue!"

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .' Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister Manager, I am ready.' The manager said, 'Go ahead..' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.' Mujibar now works at the call center.