Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.