I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.