Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!