Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!