My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.