I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.