What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.