Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.