I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.