What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!