Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.