What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!