There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.