What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.