I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?