My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.