What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.