What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry