I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.