My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."