I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”