I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.