My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?
Amazon kindle.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire