What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!