My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.