Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM