Tool Jokes

"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
There once was a Scott named McAmeter
With a tool of prodigious diameter
'Twas not his size
That caused such surprise
'Twas his rhythm - iambic pentameter.
There once was a man from East Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double
And instead of coming...he went.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
If I told you I worked at Home Depot, would you let me handle your tool?
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
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