Thing

The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened to me.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."

I said, "No, he only has two."
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What's the smartest thing a man can say? "My wife says..."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing but you actually mean your mother.
They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.
Apparently you can get the Corona virus if your eye touches someone else's eye.
I guess it's a good thing I refuse to make eye contact.
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend.
It totally ruined our bath!
Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.