That Jokes

My entire family keeps asking why I’m still single. Want to help me change that?
Aren’t you supposed to be on top of that tree? Because you’re a star.
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
That shirt looks very becoming on you
Then again if I was on you, I'd be coming too.
You're such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.
That skeleton over there wanted to ask you for your number, but, unlike me, he didn’t have the guts
I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
Let me help you out of that ugly sweater.
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