A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.

A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male."
They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
Man says to his boss, "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.