Santa

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words.
“Ho ho ho!”
A Funny Christmas Tale
A Funny Christmas Tale Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I leapt from my desk to see what was the matter! I opened the door with a creak and a crick, And saw a jolly red fat man I knew must be St. Nick. I had seen his picture a time or two, He was wanted: Article 27 - Section 342. I threw open the door and commanded him "Freeze!" "Put your hands on you head and get down on your knees." But he turned and he ran, up the chimney he flew, with me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew. When we got to the roof Santa made for his sleigh, Throwing down toys and blocking my way. As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack, I slipped and I fell landing flat on my back. To my front I was faced with a toy M-1 tank, And Pink Power Rangers covering my flank. "On Dasher, on Dancer!", he cried loud and clear. Then I got off three rounds and just missed the lead deer. And I heard Santa say as he sailed into the blue, "Merry Christmas to all! My Lawyers will sue!"
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost clause.
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
Why shouldn't you mess with Santa? Because he has a black belt.
Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.
What has 34 legs, 9 heads and 2 arms? Santa Claus and his reindeer.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."