Santa

Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Why does Santa Claus have a smile on his face?
He has a list of all the naughty girls.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
A Funny Christmas Tale
A Funny Christmas Tale Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I leapt from my desk to see what was the matter! I opened the door with a creak and a crick, And saw a jolly red fat man I knew must be St. Nick. I had seen his picture a time or two, He was wanted: Article 27 - Section 342. I threw open the door and commanded him "Freeze!" "Put your hands on you head and get down on your knees." But he turned and he ran, up the chimney he flew, with me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew. When we got to the roof Santa made for his sleigh, Throwing down toys and blocking my way. As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack, I slipped and I fell landing flat on my back. To my front I was faced with a toy M-1 tank, And Pink Power Rangers covering my flank. "On Dasher, on Dancer!", he cried loud and clear. Then I got off three rounds and just missed the lead deer. And I heard Santa say as he sailed into the blue, "Merry Christmas to all! My Lawyers will sue!"
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Can I take a picture of you so Santa knows what I want for Christmas?
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Why does does Santa have such a large sack?
Because he comes only once a year.
Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.