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Our

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
Cullen Hightower
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend.
It totally ruined our bath!
We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.