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One

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?
In a capitalist society, man exploits man, and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough.
She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied "No they're dead."
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work.
They finally went with mine.
"I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said.
"No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover more holes in our wall."
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife is.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?

Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?

He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?

Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!