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One

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
I've been searching for three years for my mother-in-law's killer... but apparently no one will do it.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
My girlfriend keeps saying that a small dick is nothing to worry about.
I still wish she hadn't got one.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.