How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
There once was a man named Brice,
Who had a nasty head full lice.
He said, If I eat them,
Then I'll have beat them!
And besides they taste very nice.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.