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My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?
Stupid question, even a child knows that.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
My editor told me he didn’t like my citation formatting
He didn’t like id., et al.
My neighbours listen to terrific music... Whether they like it or not.
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.