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I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
I surprised the judges at my last diving competition by performing a cannonball.
I made a huge splash.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you call it when the preacher passes gas during his sermon?
A blast from the pastor.
I want to know what idiot called it a last will and testament.
It should’ve been called a dead giveaway.
My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
I got in touch with my inner self today...That's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar