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Last Jokes

Tableware Puns
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Utensils Puns
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines
You can be my chocolate bunny. I'll start by nibbling on your ears and save your behind for last.
Easter Pick Up Lines
Do you know what I did last night? I put Easter eggs in a heart shape for you to find!
Garden Quotes
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
- Richard Diran
Friendship Quotes
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
Dirty Independence Day Pick Up Lines
Oh say can you see / by the dawn's early light / me in your bed / with last night's sweat still gleaming.
Baby I can last for waaaayyyy more than 2 terms.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
You can have that last bag of chips if I can bag your number.
Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.
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