Just

Is it solipsistic in here?
Or is it just me?
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
I finally decided to sell my vacuum. It was just gathering dust.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
Just found two lumps on my car battery.
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
Deep sea diving is so dangerous.
I just can’t fathom it.
My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said "bless you"
Now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
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