Jerry Jokes

"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." โ€” Jerry Seinfeld
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
"Dogs have no money. Isnโ€™t that amazing? Theyโ€™re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
I'll love you until Tom catches Jerry and has him for supper.
โ€œYou know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
โ€œDogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of themโ€™s making a poop, the other oneโ€™s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?โ€

- Jerry Seinfeld.
โ€œYou can tell what was the best year of your fatherโ€™s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.โ€ โ€“ Jerry Seinfeld
โ€œA two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.โ€ - Jerry Seinfeld
โ€œA two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you donโ€™t have a top for it.โ€

- Jerry Seinfeld.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Jerry was in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
โ€œIโ€™m OK but I didnโ€™t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,โ€ he answered.
โ€œWhat did he say?,โ€ asked the nurse.
โ€œOOPS!โ€
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
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