Jokes > Tags > Him

Him

A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."
I saw a homeless dude and gave him a dollar.
Then I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"
The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male."
They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”