Health Jokes

I'm going to have to ask you to stay away, you're posing a risk for my health. You make my heart stop!
Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Be Cheerful Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "Hey Morris, saw you the other day. You seem to be doing great." Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor sighed: "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful!"
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.“
Mark Twain
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
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