Health Jokes

"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." โ€”Robert Orben
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." โ€”Robert Orben
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." โ€”Mark Twain
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
โ€” Mark Twain
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
I'm going to have to ask you to stay away, you're posing a risk for my health. You make my heart stop!
โ€œThe only way to keep your health is to eat what you donโ€™t want, drink what you donโ€™t like, and do what youโ€™d rather not.โ€œ
Mark Twain
Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
Be Cheerful Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "Hey Morris, saw you the other day. You seem to be doing great." Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor sighed: "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful!"
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