Health

Asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...
to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance.
What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
A man is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
A woman gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.“
Mark Twain
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Selective Hearing
Selective Hearing Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."