Failure Jokes

My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”
Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -- Fred Allen
If at first you don't succeed, try twice more so your failure is statistically significant.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.

My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
Denis Waitley
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