Barely Jokes

“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
Marc Maron
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
What's with this Daylight Savings Time?
It steals our sleeping, snoozing time
Roll out of bed and take a breath
And feel like microwaved-reheated death

Seven o'clock? That just can't be
It's way too dark out there to see
Coffee? Yes, I need two cups
To get my sluggish body up

And hit the road before the sun
For Monday's way-too-early "fun"
It's lunchtime? HUH? I just GOT here!
My head is just now barely clear

Afternoon meeting? How can that be?
I thought it was one...HOW IS IT THREE???
The end of day has almost come
The day flew by...it's almost done!

Five o'clock, well that's just fine!
I LIKE this daylight Savings Time!

(By Rick W. Cotton)
I barely noticed you in the winter months, you were missing from the sky.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
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