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As

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!